Get Behind Thee, Satan

By High Society

Running through checkers, jumping and hopping
Raise your arms and drop your shopping!
Let's throw some Che Guevara styles,
And start a revolution in the aisles!
They will never take us alive,
We'll take control of till number five.
We'll make our motives understood,
Raising riot till they lower the prices of canned goods!
Singing stirring anthems for a brave new land,
With a gun in one hand and some Omo in the other hand
Fighting the struggle like Nkosazana Zuma
We'll show them what it means to be a militant consumer
Like Lenin, Castro and Chairman Mao
Let's bag our freedom now!

Because society is like a sick oil spillage
Coming to your village, to rape and pillage
Breaking all the vows that you're making, forsaken
Get behind thee, Satan. Get behind thee, Satan!

Existential dilemma can be remedied
All you need is a notebook and some cali weed
I write ridiculous rhymes, it's all my fault:
I don't have to leave my room to revolt.
I'm revolting... Against your attitude
I find it insulting - it makes me rude
So, good luck to all you empty-headed ravers,
And let's just hope that God will save us
From these conglomerates of investment bankers
Dealers, lawyers, pushers and wankers
Masturbating on the human race
Concentrating on the telly rate
But I just relax
And pay my tax
And watch the world collapse

Because, society is like a sick oil spillage
Coming to your village, to rape and pillage
Breaking all the vows that you're making, forsaken
Get behind thee, Satan. Get behind thee, Satan!

Not only does beer help fight cancer, but it can save you from natural disasters too!

Cheers.

Update: This sucks. Snopes has debunked the avalanche story. [via]

Update: The age-old dilemma about whether to have coffee or beer for breakfast is solved! Caffeinated Beer! Oh stop that behaviour!

The SA Blog awards are now open. Mail sablogawards@gmail.com with your nominations. [via]

This is a quick entry to demonstrate the Apache webserver's content negotiation. This system allows browsers to specify their capabilities to the webserver, which then chooses the most suitable form of the requested URL for the browser. I've used this for a while (e.g. when I link to my CV, which is both an HTML file and a PDF), but I only noticed it in its full glory when I tested it as follows:

In my page's .htaccess file, I added the line:

Options +MultiViews

This turns MultiViews on, meaning that Apache will automatically try to find the best "view" of a URL.

Next, I created a PNG image, and a text file, one named content-negotiation.png, the other content-negotiation.txt (working out which one I named which is left as an exercise for the reader). Next, I link to the root filename content-negotiation. Browsers that are capable of displaying the image should receive the PNG image, whereas text-only browsers should receive the text file. Try it in both!

Interesting weekend for, erm, stuff like that.

Some guy has released "the first open source board game": he has licensed it under the Creative Commons, and invites people to "patch" it to make it better: Dugi [via]

On a similar note, Microsoft have opened the XML schemas for the Microsoft Office document formats - see the Slashdot discussion. My two cents: I'm glad about this. It means they're showing willing. However, I'm cynical enough to believe that they're only doing this to win government contracts (a lot of governments stipulate "open standards" rather than "open source"). Their licensing doesn't seem to be GPL compatible, which is unsurprising because they hate it with a passion that is almost irrational. (See Update below).

Finally, Bill Gates was interviewed by the BBC in two parts: first and second. The reason I'm putting it up is that I want to point out how he avoids the question in the second part about whether he actually ever thought that he was being anti-competitive. It's astonishing. He literally refuses to answer the question, twice, and finally, when the interviewer says, basically, "Goddammit, Bill, WERE YOU EVER ANTI-COMPETITIVE?", he mumbles something about how rocking the computer industry is, without any reference to Microsoft at all.

Update: I couldn't resist posting this link: The BBC reports: some doodles were found on a podium, and thought to be by Tony Blair. Handwriting experts said they indicated a lack of leadership, and all sorts of nasty things. But as it turns out, the doodles belonged to Bill Gates...

Update: Slashdot has posted a new story: Microsoft hasn't really opened its standards.

The South African blogosphere was a little unhappy that the Bloggies (public awards for good blogs) lump Africa and the Middle-East together in one category. As a result, CherryFlava is putting together the South African blog awards. Stroll over there and contribute!

Why do I think that PostSecret is amazing, yet I can't stand Group Hug ?

Maybe it's because it's supposed to be Art

An interesting short story, licensed under the Creative Commons: Start the Clock

If anybody is still under the impression that DRM is a good idea: The Internet Seat

An incredible look at the course somebody's life might have taken had various things not happened: What If?

THE GAME OF CHRISTMAS SQUABBLE

Christmas Squabble is the classic game of family domination for all ages.

Objective.

Each player struggles for world domination while obstructing his fellow competitors from achieving their objectives at every turn. Play takes place in the house, divided into LOUNGE, KITCHEN, and BEDROOMS (where contestants are permitted to play their SOB CARDS). The defence of these territories must be planned carefully, or victory may soon be turned to defeat. Heavy casualties may result in the loss of CHRISTMAS SQUABBLE.

Equipment

Each player starts the game with the following: Two Chips (shoulder), Six Petty Grievances, Three Sour Grapes, Four Major resentments, Two Annoying Habits.

IMPORTANT: All MAJOR RESENTMENTS must remain unspoken until the final round, just when things seem to be settling down. The first player to produce them from his sleeve at this crucial juncture will thus gain TEMPORARY SUPREMACY.

TIP FOR PLAY: Take care to NURSE your SIX PETTY GRIEVANCES throughout CHRISTMAS SQUABBLE, so that they are fighting fit when you find yourself in a position to reveal them.

Dice

Before the commencement of CHRISTMAS SQUABBLE, all dice should be declared lost. The third player then repeats the following phrase: "Why is it always me who has to look for everything?" four times before play commences. Six months after close of play, the dice may be found EITHER under the sofa OR in the drawer full of keys/plugs/used batteries/screwdrivers/used glue tubes etc in the kitchen corner next to the cooker.

Preparing to play

Before the game commences, each player elects him/herself The General. The General is in charge of everyone else, and must control the other contestants at all times. WARNING: Having elected yourself The General, be careful not to inform anyone else too soon, or they may immediately bring into play one of their MAJOR RESENTMENTS. Remove all jokers. Now shuffle all the queens and make sure any pairs are separated.

Setting up forces

Each player of CHRISTMAS SQUABBLE enters the game having first formed a SECRET ALLIANCE. A Secret Alliance is formed either by whispering EITHER "Well, someone had to tell her" OR "Frankly, I don?t blame you one little bit" OR "He told me not to tell anyone else, but ...".

These alliances may be broken at any time during the game by repeating the words, "That's the last time I tell you a secret".

Claiming the higher ground

KITCHEN (SINK SIDE): Any player found in the kitchen (sink side) may be tackled by The General with the words "You couldn't be a dear and ...". He or she will then suffer the forfeit of being given EITHER a bag of Brussels sprouts and a blunt knife OR five dirty pans and the scrappy remains of a Brillo pad.

KITCHEN (SETTEE SIDE): Players taking refuge on the kitchen settee must repeat the phrase: "You'll have to turn over - it's the EastEnders Christmas Omnibus." This allows other players to FLOUNCE OUT and claim one new PETTY GRIEVANCE per player.

BEDROOM: Any player FLOUNCING OUT must immediately retreat to their bedroom and slam the door. On hearing an upstairs bedroom door slammed, any player remaining in the KITCHEN must sigh: "I turn my back for five minutes and ..." thereby CLAIMING THE HIGHER GROUND.

NEW HALL/UTILITY ROOM/GARAGE: These will be included in later editions of CHRISTMAS SQUABBLE.

Combat

Combat commences at the stroke of 11 o'clock on Christmas morning. Player One passes the first present to Player Two on his left. Player Two opens it, finds it is a SHREDDER, and attempts to STIFLE HIS DISAPPOINTMENT. Player One says: "You can always change it if you don't like it." Player Two replies "I didn't say I didn't like it." Player Three can now step in and say: "Well, you don't sound very grateful!" To beat Player Two, Player Three must give Player Two a box of chocolate nut and raisins (with the nuts taken out) and something slightly lavendary. Player Three now awaits his response. If Player Two is unable to smile and say thank you, he must retire from the game of CHRISTMAS SQUABBLE.

Manoeuvre

Once he has completed all his attacks, a player may conduct ONE manoeuvre. Each player may move from room to room, but only:

1. to avoid another player or players,
2. to exchange PETTY GRIEVANCES, or
3. to take it out on Kitten.

Winning

The winner is the player left in the behind in the LOUNGE with the TV remote control, and who has not gone off in the huff. He declares his victory by shouting "AND ANOTHER THING!" before slumping into a prolonged doze.

---

We have to decide if we play ordinary CHRISTMAS SQUABBLE or another version. It is also available in an EXECUTIVE EDITION, including disappointing Christmas crackers, presquashed satsumas, a whoopee cushion and five paper crowns which have come apart at the seam.

Or maybe we should splash out on the LUXURY DELUXE EDITION, which includes all the above, plus an oven roasted turkey, still frozen towards the centre

AFRIKAANS NAMES OF FAMOUS ROCK BANDS:

Dire Straits - In die Kak
Bananarama - Piesangmargarine
Joan Armatrading - Johanna Wapenhandelaar
Johnny Rotten & the Sex Pistols - Jannie Vrot en die Pomp Rewolwers
Iron Maiden - Yster Sussie
Ladysmith Black Mambaso - Mevrou Smit se Swart Mambas
Four Jacks & A Jill - Vier Latte en 'n Platte
Queen - Moffie
Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Frikkie gaan fliek toe
Ace of Base - Baas se As
Meatloaf - Vleisrol
Spice Girls - Aromat Slette
Simple Minds - Dofkoppe
Bruce Hornsby & the Range - Barend Horing en die hele reeks
Hootie & the Blowfish - Tietie en die Blaasoppies
Hughie Lewis & the News - Louis Luyt in die nuus
Mariah Carey - Meraai se Kerrie
Smashing Pumpkins - Platgemoerde Pampoene
Limp Bizkit - Pap Koekie