Virgin Money reads my blog
I got a phonecall today.
If you missed yesterday's gripping read, go read it now.
So, ja, I got a phonecall today.
Unfortunately, I missed it, because I was in Pick'n'Pay getting lunch, but I got the voicemail afterwards:
Jonathan, this is (somebody) from Virgin Money, I've just been reading your blog, and I'm slightly embarrassed. Somebody will phone you this afternoon to sort it out and have your card delivered to you in Cape Town in the not too distant future. Have a good afternoon.I would have really liked to talk to her (and find out why she'd been reading my blog).
Anyway, I just got another phonecall from Ntsoaki at Virgin Money, who was great, and she's going to reel the UTI people in and put a redirect order on the card, so that it actually gets to me this time. Unfortunately, I'm going to need my ID card to take possession of the credit card, and as I mentioned earlier, I lost it. I need an affidavit from Mr Policeman saying it's lost before I can use my passport or driver's license. So that's another mission to make.
There's a type of wasp called Sphex, or "the Digger Wasp", who lay their eggs in burrows in the ground. They then sting other insects, paralysing them, and leave the insects in the burrows, for the larva to feed on when they hatch. However, before they drag the paralysed insect into the nest, they nip back down into the burrow to check the place out, make sure it's all clean and tidy or something, and then go back outside and drag the insect down.
If, while the wasp is inside, inspecting its nest, you move the paralysed insect a few inches away from the hole, the wasp will come back up, have a look around, and see the insect some distance away, and go and fetch it. However, when it gets the insect back to the hole, it has to perform the next step in its pre-programmed dance: it has to go down and inspect the burrow again. If you keep moving the insect away every time it inspects the burrow, it will remain stuck in its preprogrammed loop forever, never noticing that anything is wrong.
We use the Sphex wasp in philosophy as an example of behaviour which seems sensible and rational (it's a good idea to check out the nest before dragging a paralysed insect into it backwards), but turns out to simply be a set of hard-coded rules. One hypothesis is that all human behaviour is like this - it seems rational and it seems like we have free will, but if you alter the parameters enough, it'll turn out that we're just obeying the physical rules of our nervous systems and vastly complex brain.
What's my point? The good people at UTI have a set of rules which they follow, which makes the whole system run smoothly, and it seems to be a pretty clever way of doing things. But if you break the system slightly, alter the parameters, and do something unexpected, the whole system gets stuck in a loop. In a way, I rather wish I hadn't told the Internet that they were stuck, and just let them run until the world wound down. Just to see, you know?
Update: Here's the end of the story.
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Comments
dude, i think very few
dude, i think very few bureaucrats actually think for themselves. they get people below them to do that. I have slowly found ways to manipulate that at work. People want meetings reminders, emails and such. If you don't do it, they dont think about it. they carry on and you ( me) doesnt have to do anything till the topic comes up again and because last time was not documented. They thinks its the first time, and so the loop goes on.
Its important to know that most people love "hard coded" stuff, because the hard coded stuff is generally things they don't really want to do ( personal opinion) (i think its 4:51 and im rambling .. see ypu in obz with beer )
nice tho.. need a blog so someone can send me someone else's card
Towards a bestiary of loops
I feel strangely
I feel strangely disappointed that they appear to have caught it so soon. Had just made some popcorn ready to throw at the screen.
Well, you haven't got the card yet, so here's hoping!
Bit creepy that the Virgin girl called you the day after you blogged it. How many hits is that rag of yours getting a day?!
well like most companies
well like most companies above a certain size and paranoia level, they troll the interweb looking for when their name appears, these are then flagged, ranked etc. Oliver, I wouldn't put away the popcorn just yet. As of late, much interest has been paid to reintroducing ant technology into our society. Ants are pretty stupid creatures as a whole - and as a whole I mean one ant, but in a gestalt sense, they're pretty bright. They can organise themselves into performing some fairly complex behaviours. Interestingly enough, they have no leaders - no ants are in charge at all. the queen is just essentially a baby out-shitter; serving no other role in ant society. Recent studies have to some degree figured out how a large group of stunningly stupid creatures can achieve so much. It's much as Jonathan has described it: the natural interaction of preprogrammed simple instructions, for instance: when scout ants return they send out forrager ants to go fetch the shit they've discovered. if the forrager ant doesn't interact with another scout ant inside 15 seconds, they don't go out, but if they do (i.e. lots of scout ants are returning) then they do. On this basis, complex behaviours can be built. It's a fantastically elegant and powerful solution, that of course we only wish would work on the Americans... but these systems are all the more popular these days. why? Because you don't have to tell the scout ant shit, you just give it operating parameters and it does just that. it works for ants, because quite frankly, theyre...ants. Imagine taking this kind of system, and trying to adapt it to work in our society...Sphex wasp city baby. While you're fetching popcorn, grab a soda, I say you're gonna need it.
True autonomic intelligence
True autonomic intelligence seems to be a rare quality, and it is definitely not observed in large groups of people. Perhaps miscommunication and flawed comprehension leads to many terrible systems. It reminds me of "The Plan": http://www.hen.co.za/jokes/ThePlan.htm
I recorded a conversation with a Telkom employee. I wanted to cancel my land line subscription. I was told that if I do not cancel my ADSL line subscription before my telephone account, I would still be paying for the ADSL on my land line -- yes, the land line that is disconnected, that is no more, that went to /dev/null.
Hey John-boy :)I happen to
Hey John-boy :)
I happen to work for UTi, so if you're not coming right please let me know and I'll throw some fist shaped toys around...
ps. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop. we don't get stuck in a loop.
Thanks John! You're actually
Thanks John!
You're actually the second person to tell me that they work for UTi, and to offer to fix stuff. Amazing what putting something on the internet does for one, eh? ;-)
Indeed
Indeed. If only the same applied to Telkom...
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