Jonathan Hitchcock (@vhata)

Cape Town, South Africa

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @vhata ever

April 2008

farewell, office.

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I might just curl up in a little ball on the beanbag. Wake me up when it's May. The 5th.

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going out to my own leaving lunch. by myself. alone. in the cold. I'll probably just have worms.

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They said I was crazy! They said it'd never work! I'll show them! I'll show them all! The fools! I'll make them pay!

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waiting for the lear jet to take me to my last day...

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My theory is that foot fetishes are as widespread as they are mostly because it's really fun to say. Foot fetish foot fetish foot fetish.

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Your mother is not compatible with Firefox 3.0b5.

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cats don't fall. cats dislodge themselves on purpose and land with intent.

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Dinners cooked: 1. Flats set on fire: 0. This is an infinite improvement over last night.

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Following new greeters = good. Greeting new followers = bad.

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"I'm sorry, I can't make the meeting due to solar flares, and having come down with a bad case of kuru."

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did you know that "election results" is an anagram of "Lies! let's recount" ?

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fetch me an axe.

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wooo, setting fire to one's flat does brighten up the evening somewhat

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I fail at Porridge

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I have cheese anyway. Bed is where it's at. Sorry Franschoek.

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Godspeed, you fancy bastard.

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I may be ugly, but in the morning you'll be sober.

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nothing brings about a revolution faster than trying to stop it

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let's get our Friday on.

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mmmmmm beeeer

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guns or butter?

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half price just means you eat twice as much

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raw fish at half price, here we come.

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Social Networking: how to irritate people on a massive scale!

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LongWeekend is looooooooooong

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I'd like to cancel my subscription to Winter, please. I'll just carry on using Summer, if that's okay.

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Breaking news: Friday cancelled. Citizens to return to their beds.

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I fail at pub quiz. Turns out Jackie Chan isn't the correct answer to every movie question.

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high on LIFE! (And maybe Crystal Meth)

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Ubuntu Hardy is released

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They see me rollin'. They be hatin'.

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First, we take Manhattan. Then, we take Berlin.

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Final score: Jonathan 1 - 0 Obdurate, intransigent duvet cover. Take that, bedding!

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darkness, loadshedding, I wasn't using those watts anyway. watt?

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even in the darkness, with a few candles lit, and a bottle of wine, the peace of Cape Town is awesome.

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if it's not a beautiful sunset or sunrise, it's a vista of Cape Town lights spread out to the horizon. When isn't it awesome?

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eagerlessness.

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Sittin' in the mornin' sun. I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come. Watchin' the tweets roll in. Then I watch 'em roll away again.

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As an unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely on me, Fred.

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I know several people (including myself) who got spammed by BulkSMS asking them to guestblog. Why would I work for a spammer?

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stamping down hard is not a good way to get your foot out of the hole.

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I don't know, I didn't go into Burger King.

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An Yue Jiang, where are you going?

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CONSUMMATE Vs.

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Extremely menacing vibrations are all around us. This place is getting to me. I think I'm getting The Fear.

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Dear World, Facebook != Internet. Facebook plays catch up and does it badly. Your walled garden is not a happy place. Love, Jonathan

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the crunchy bits at the bottom of the popcorn keep you going till credits. the crunchy bits at the bottom of the coffee just taste bad.

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today also marks the memorial of the noble Dragon, cruelly slain by that maiden-chasing pimp George "Call me Saint" of Anatolia

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call me Thor.

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Happy International Book Day! 392nd anniversary of Shakespeare's death. (Also the ZX Spectrum's birthday)

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http://ubuntuinstitute.c... is looking very swish! Only needs a bit of mod_rewrite to fix the index.php in the URLs and it's dandy.

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1 + 1 = 3. We hope that you choke.

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@katiepossum: the site appears just to have two hardcoded links to webmail clients?

via im in reply to katiepossum

barkeep, a pint of your finest for all these good fellows. Bring them out into the sun.

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what a ridiculously awesome day in Cape Town

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it's 2:30pm. Do you know where your children are?

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what shall we do to fill the empty spaces where we used to speak?

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Sedulously eschew obfuscatory hyperverbosity and gratuitous prolixity. Assiduously espouse elucidation and requisite pellucidity.

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there is no spoon.

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that's just perverse.

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the most amazing thing just happened to me.

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whut? where am I? who is this? what's going on?

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to sleep, perchance to dream. ay, there's the rub.

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Mission accomplished.

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Destination: Chef Pons. Mission: buy dinner for my sisters. I feel confident.

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Sleepless in Cape Town

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I'll be honest, loadshedding has done nothing but good for me

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if one is loadshod, what can one do, but go home?

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Abort, Retry, or Fail?

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I do enjoy being able to reach over and punch a fellow twitterer should the necessity arise.

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all the decisions in my company may be made by drunken lemurs, but we still have chocolate cake in the office.

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Oh stop. You're making me blush.

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I sometimes come into the office a bit late, I know, but I try to make up for it by leaving early.

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I was so sure my search would end, when I found God. But then I couldn't find my keys, and my cat ran away.

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*cry* Internet, jy was my laaste vriend, en kyk nou wat het jy aan my gedoen!

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Always Avoid Alliteration And Assonance, even When Wishing Wonderful Weeks

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woke up this morning, got myself a gun...

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to infinity, and beyond

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why is Cape Town so awesome? I don't think it's fair. But I'm not complaining.

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the hills are alive with the sound of Sunday morning traffic - songs they have sung for maybe 30, 35 years

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those crazy Vietnamese. May not be up for much in terms of non-jungle terrain, but they shore cook a fine soup

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the sort of day which, if you met it on the street, you'd pat on the shoulder soothingly. "Cheer up!" you'd say. "Tomorrow's another day!"

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the 110th day of the year - Bicycle Day and Primrose Day. We're 30% into the year. 249 days until Christmas!

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huis toe

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@katiepossum: don't forget faildogs and shipment-of-fail!

via im in reply to katiepossum

I unreservedly and wholeheartedly pronounce this Friday afternoon to be tolerable.

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buzz in the blogsphere! Will we ever find out the true identity of the person behind this blog? http://halcyon4000.livej...

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if you find yourself mumbling "bla bla bla" underneath your breath as you read your blogs, it may be time to trim your feeds a bit

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cringeworthy comments I have made in the past that suddenly flood embarrassingly back: "I see you still have that tattoo"

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It's still Thursday at openVOICE :-/

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Load Shedding warnings on gtalk: http://tinyurl.com/6gmanj

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Billy Ray Cyrus: misunderstood genius, or underappreciated master of irony?

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Bread, butter, cheese, Victory.

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appa bands are wang

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Congratulations to Pierre Nel, who wins the Unintentional Irony Award for replying to a message telling him not to reply.

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This is your weekly reminder that Twitter is not Gtalk (or insert your instant-messenger of choice here).

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bumper stickers: they're like a little shorthand sign on your car that says "Hey! Let's never hang out!"

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wait, one exception. if you're *trapped* in a glass house, then by all means, throw a stone. otherwise, nuh-uh.

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new policy, guys. No stone-throwing, REGARDLESS of housing situation.

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it's time to watch the Safety Dance video on loop.

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booking tickets to go see MC Stephen Hawking down in Muizenberg

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is not 27 any more, no more claiming my age is a prime number raised to the power of itself

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fetch my pope-meeting shirt

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my free software runs your company

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best. curry. evar. thanks @kerry_anne!

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Amazon.com, all out of stock.

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exploding cybernetic weasels, a magical sleigh pulled by flying skunks, and a robot pelican

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@pierrenel: the last ten seconds of every episode of Season 1 of Startrek: The Next Generation: http://youtube.com/watch...

via im in reply to pierre_nel

Wittgenstein: "Words exist because of meaning; once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words."

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they may get lost in the townships, but sisters are still pretty good at cooking.

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thai green curry for the win!

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Zimbabwe has banned political rallies. "We see no reason for rallies since we have had elections." Impeccable Logic!

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scrolling up to find a tweet not from @charlvn...

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MORE COWBELL

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off to the airport, tara, tara.

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four hours till I pick my sisters up from the airport. Cape Town weather: Behave.

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chicken pot pie is the only food that is both pie and a reason to kill a chicken

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no, wait, hang on. Sorry, folks. It's just the regular sun, as usual. Apologies.

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What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!

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*looks*

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busting free! huis toe

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have you ever noticed that everything you sit on feels like underpants?

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I'd just like to say at this point that sometimes a 3 minute nap on a hard wooden table is more restful than a whole night's sleep

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are you a South African, or a South African't?

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You can't follow yourself.

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woke up this morning with an ache in my head, splashed on my clothes as I spilled out of bed.

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my Google App Engine account has been activated

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is it too late to sign up for Google App? :-/

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coming home early from work is really, really pleasant.

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I reckon plugging our kettle into the server room UPS is a good idea. We want tea!

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I'm gonna give up trying to reply to @ChristopherM's email, since his server keeps bouncing mail.

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Father Christmas is a drunkard and your friends all laugh at you behind your back. Happy Monday.

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yesterday: 20:44 -!- ferrarivoltage has joined #clug

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ah, Brass Bell, you beauty.

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damn you, past-Jonathan. Future-Jonathan and I are most unhappy with your choices.

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life is just a serious of problems that make you wish you were dead, until you are.

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YOU ARE SEARED

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hmmm. Arnolds. Breakfast. hmmm.

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we're about to start on a long journey, you and I, perhaps twenty thousand miles.

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not enough things are glow in the dark

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the answer to Joburg problems is to stay in Cape Town

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oh god. It's Friday.

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no ford left unstreamed! no explorer left unlanded!

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those that belong to the Emperor, embalmed ones, those that are trained, and those included in the present classification

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twice the man my mother is

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rock beats scissors, paper beats rock, UTTER INCOMPETENCY AND IGNORANCE beats paper (and scissors)

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@pierrenel: I already resigned last week - I'm in my one-month notice period.

via im in reply to pierre_nel

how do I answer my boss's question? He wants to know why the numbers he MADE UP OUT OF THIN AIR aren't the real numbers used.

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isn't there a Keg at the airport?

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I never metaphor I didn't like

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you are in a mazy of twisty passages, all alike

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to sleep, perchance to dream

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one can't take something seriously, and roll with laughter, at the same time!

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SABlogAwards votes were clearly rigged. I didn't win anything, and the pizza smelled of East Cost Radio.

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Managed to get @Darb into sablogawards. And cape town daily photo just won! More b33r!

via mobile web

this bus is leaving

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it's a mystery, inside an enigma, wrapped in a conundrum

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the wind doesn't drive, Mary.

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if I ever meet myself, I'm going to hit myself so hard, I won't know what hit me.

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The finger of blame points to a monkey, mistaken for a foreign spy. By dawn, it will have been hanged without trial.

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@mwest: London Geek Dinner?

via im in reply to mwest

if it's not pistachio, I won't be hearing about it.

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Ah, kauai. Good to eat, expensive to buy, impossible to spell.

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@darb: I sent you a telex about the SMS that was mentioned on my postcard

via im in reply to darb

Happy Stupid Internet Joke Day (formerly "April Fools Day") http://tinyurl.com/39rsry

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Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time.

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