Jonathan Hitchcock (@vhata)

Cape Town, South Africa

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @vhata ever

May 2008

There's no "I" in "Win"

via web

Do you guys remember those halcyon days, when petrol was cheap and twitter worked properly? Ah, bliss was it in that dawn to be alive.

via web

Hey, did you guys know that twitter has a web interface!? No ways! I s'pose this will suffice until the IM interface comes back, eh?

via web

I'm the last person left in the office this Friday afternoon. That's what I get for working so late. (Times given are Cape Town Standard ...

via im

Please tell me that the bios on techleader.co.za are supposed to be ironic?

via im

Thanks @danielshaw, who points out @JaMoTo, the sea turtle whom you can follow via twitter! Shoots Death-Ray out of the water (so to speak)

via im

May 23 is World Turtle Day. Apparently last year, a turtle named Death-Ray was made Turtle of the Year. That's all kinds of awesome.

via im

60% of the top 25 domains is 15 domains. That's 2.5 domains controlled by each member of the Elite Six.

via im

We call them "vanity" numberplates because "Being a complete tool" didn't make the list of Seven Deadly Sins. (Looking at you, "KRONOS-WP")

via im

(Before you say anything, yes, @vhata knows what an illeist is.)

via im

@vhata is going to talk about himself in the third person for a while.

via im in reply to vhata

I spilled a bit of pronutro in the bath.

via im

Getting a cup of tea. This fascinating information brought to you and made possible only by the power of modern technology and innovation

via im

Spend the balance of your mortality screaming drunkenly by a body of water while nubile females nervously tolerate your degenerate behaviour

via im

Top hats and monocles!

via im

Acid stains you; Drugs cause cramp; Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; May as well live.

via im

141 days into the year 2008, and I still have no flying car, and can't take a pill instead of having to sleep. Science has Failed.

via im

Hello, Clarice.

via im

Why do people put empty milk cartons in the fridge? And why do I put them back in the fridge when I find them and have to replace them?

via im

Under the hedge near your house lives an entire civilization of 1 inch tall people. But like everybody else, they don't know that you exist

via im

Iron Man may be the greatest cinematic production of our lifetime. I weep that Laurence Olivier wasn't around to perfect its cast.

via im

It looks like you're trying to write a tweet. Would you like it to: [ ] say something witty; [ ] say what you're doing; [X] Don't ask again

via im

I will shower when Tibet is free.

via im

Shivering with anticip

via im

There's nothing worse than waking up in the middle of the night, and then realising that there's only half an hour till your alarm goes off

via im

It's not that I *should* go to bed that motivates me. More that I *could* go to bed. Screw you, Freedom. I don't even know what I'll do.

via im

Holy Mother of Shiva, Picasso's full name is too long for twitter! Seriously, his initials: PDJF de PJNM de los RC de la STMPCR y Picasso

via im

HP Lovecraft learned to read aged 2 and was writing complex poetry by 6. More impressive if he found a rhyme for "Cthulhu" [Cracked.com]

via im

Taking a survey about social media on twitter *might* possibly give you a slightly skewed result set.

via im

Hello, cajun spiced chicken sandwich with avocado, tomato and cream cheese. Glad you could join us.

via im

Little bit unnerving to be greeted by the burly caretaker with the cigarette hanging from his lower lip with a "hey you"

via im

My keen sense of justice is warmed by the fact that the red two-seater sports car that cut me off got caught by a speed camera just after.

via im

I suppose I should get to the office. This nose isn't going to pick itself all day.

via im

like something shambling just out of sight in the forest, like the thing that brushes your leg in the lagoon, Monday is upon us.

via im

Warning: being awake can cause irritability, headaches, depression, and frequent urination.

via im

May 18: International Museum Day, and the Festival of the God Pan in Ancient Greece. See if you can combine the two!

via im

"Pound", from the Latin word 'pendere', "to weigh". The "lb" abbreviation is from Latin "libra" (scales). The money was worth 1lb of silver

via im

Is it bad when "where everybody knows your name" is the laundry?

via im

You're my third least favourite child.

via im

Away from the ozone, away from all the bars, and the beautiful people in their shiny BMW motor cars.

via im

May 16: Teacher's Day in Malaysia, Pierce Brosnan's birthday, and Remind @pierrenel Not To Join #linux Day

via im

the Vatican's head astronomer recently ruined believing in aliens by saying it is actually not necessarily contrary to Scripture

via im

Coffee's succor, the only thing that keeps me seeking the sweet relief of death.

via im

Whose black shawl is in the boot of my car?

via im

Where the hell am I, and what day is it?

via im

Time for a three-hour videoconference with the guys in San Francisco.

via im

It's quiet today. ... Too quiet. *glances over shoulder*

via im

I'm pretty sure that "twits" is not only shorter, but more accurate, than "tweeple" (or "tweople" if you prefer)

via im

What are these "internets"? You kids, with your autogyros, and bi-focular spectacles, and electrical difference engines! Confound it all!

via im

what is that road worker trying to say when he waves his flag? is it "slow down"? Because he really just makes me feel like an F1 driver.

via im

3G? LUXURY! In my day, we used to have to whistle 2400 baud into a tape-recorder and post it to the service provider.

via im

Saw two dead bodies on my way home. Came home and tweeted about it. Now going to gym. By the way, modern society says hi.

via im

my new favourite emotion: "appropriate fist-shaking indignation"

via im

"Trying to make digital files uncopyable is like trying to make water not wet." - Bruce Schneier

via im

I want to say, I wish every day was curry day, but then I wouldn't be this pleased that today is curry day. http://tinyurl.com/4qrfwx

via im

(now, of course, I regret twittering inanely about censoring myself.)

via im

I seem to be censoring myself today. What happened to Jonathan "Shoot your mouth off now, regret it later" Hitchcock?

via im

Yes, you. I'm talking about YOU.

via im

Dear Joburg, The weather was up at dawn packing for the roadtrip. It should be arriving in a day or so, depending on the Bloem stopover

via im

South African Twitterers! It's not all about how many followers you have! Oh my word, is *everything* a popularity contest for you?

via im

The road outside my office seems to have kamikaze sqriwwels.

via im

Goddamn right, Mr E, it's a beautiful day.

via im

Look, the sunrise is spectacular, the tea tastes great, I'm sure it's going to be a lovely day. But PLEASE, just ten more minutes of sleep?

via im

wait, what, is this thing still on?

via im

Wildebeest are awesome. The gnicest work of gnature in the zoo.

via im

It always amuses me when people apologise for saying something in the wrong place, by saying their apology in the wrong place.

via im

Getting business cards that say "Jonathan Hitchcock: Renaissance man, all-round winner, and perfect gentleman"... Am I underselling myself?

via im

Don't go on holiday. It's bad for you. It'd bad for your children. Bank manager digs it. For sure.

via im

Oh, frabjous day. Calloo! Callay! I chortle in my joy.

via im

Robots are everywhere, and they eat old peoples' medicine for fuel.

via im

okay, okay, goddammit, I'm awake.

via im

We're gonna go ahead and call Operation Supper a success, even if it overstepped the time limits we imposed. Bring it home!

via im

Dos dedos, mis amigos. Everything's cool.

via im

my credit card went to the Internet, and all I got was this lousy bank statement.

via im

it seems that I've become the go-to guy for people with landlord problems - some random in Joburg is asking me for help now

via im

Everybody run! Bob has got a gun!

via im

Burning wasn't any good for Joan of Arc, and I think you'll find that soup doesn't enjoy it any more than she did.

via im

I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and the sky. And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by.

via im

There's nothing worse than leaving your music on shuffle, and suddenly having some of @darb's hippie crap ooze out of your earphones

via im

I know what you're thinking, and it's a really bad idea.

via im

On this day in history: Nothing exciting happened. Nothing. It is utterly uninteresting and banal. Just... Just go back to bed, okay?

via im

It all makes perfect sense, expressed in dollars and cents; pounds, shillings and pence.

via im

I mean, roofies eventually wear off, right?

via im

When I named this drink, it was incredibly witty and clever. Maybe that was because I'd had several of them before I came up with it.

via im

You can't kill Michael Malloy

via im

who knew that bamboo and burny beef could be so awesome?

via im

We are running on time, and running a good session, and running out of coffee. We're all about the running.

via im

does it count as "being at work" if you're not working?

via im

He is what he is not, and he is not what he is. Godspeed, Sartre, you cryptic fancy bastard.

via im

what a way to be remembered: http://tinyurl.com/6luqlx

via im

I've been thinking a lot recently about the whole Kennedy assassination thing. Turns out, though, someone else already did it.

via im

They all float down here. When you're down here with us, you'll float too.

via im

The most amazing thing just happened.

via im

In your FACE, destiny! I slap the wrist of the cruel hand of Fate. The 7-11 and I have conspired to thwart your milk deprivation plans.

via im

KHAAAAAAAAAAAN! (There's no milk. This means no tea and no porridge. Oh, the humanity, Refrigerator, you have betrayed me.)

via im

The wind is a torrent of darkness, among the gusty trees. The moon is a ghostly galleon, tossed on cloudy seas. Also, I'm going home.

via im

Freaky: famous mathematician Kurt Godel's wife was hospitalized and, too paranoid to eat food made by anyone else, he starved to death

via im

Idea: invent a way to send anybody on the internet (identified by an "address") a message longer than 140 chars (with file "attachments"?)

via im

Once again, the editorial board apologises. It was John, 4th Earl of Sandwich, who invented what I just had for lunch, not George.

via im

Raise your glasses to George, the Earl of Sandwich. One hell of a guy. A true renaissance man. And a demon in the kitchen.

via im

Look, coffee machine, it's quite simple. One REAL size mug. Not one dinky doll size thimbleful. Otherwise, fine job, keep up the good work

via im

The HIIIIIIIIIIILLS are ALIIIIIIIVE, with the sound of meee-YOOOOSIIIIC

via im

We apologise for our editorial team's error. We meant the sun had a free 24 hour trip around us, of course. *cough*

via im

Another free 24 hour trip around the sun. I suppose there are upsides to living on this rock.

via im

oh god it burns us. get it off! it's 2am!

via im

I WILL SLEEP WHEN TIBET IS FREE

via im

I should write a script that automatically blogs/tweets/posts saying "I'm not dead" if I die and thus don't log in for a month or so

via im

I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.

via im

Leaving your lights on all day will only highlight your car's pathetic reliance on electricity for such trivial things as "opening windows"

via im

Come, let us go then, you and I, when the evening is stretched out against the sky. Go home, I mean. Enough Prufrock.

via im

This just out: Oudtshoorn was originally called Veldschoendorp. Do they not have enough to deal with as it is?

via im

Finally, I fix the thing that bothered me while working on the thing that distracted me while avoiding doing the thing I'm meant to do.

via im

A teacher that nobody learns from is a failure.

via im

The sign said "Bear to the left". So, of course, I went right.

via im

Last week is the new two weeks ago.

via im

Go into my stable, and take my finest stallion. His name is Ripper.

via im

All men, whilst they are awake, are in one common world. But each of them, when he is asleep, is in a world of his own.

via im

look, it's not that I really WANTED you all to go. It's just that I have this allergy to you all staying. Biological. Honest!

via im

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before.

via im

I'm the paint you tasted.

via im

Time to swim home. Hope the lagoon isn't too choppy.

via im

You can take a horse to a development server, but you can't make him deploy the full application suite.

via im

Hay guize. It's not me, it's you: http://tinyurl.com/59ygkt

via im

this just out! iPhone coming to South Africa! You heard it from me first! Stop press!

via im

define "sober"

via im

The rain, it raineth every day.

via im

The evening, stretched out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table

via im

If your thoughts are rubbish merely / Don't express yourself too clearly

via im

If I were a czar, I'd waste hours "serfing".

via im

everything needs tags, not categories. I want to label, not box.

via im

so far so good. they showed me where the coffee machine is. good enough for my first day.

via im

time to head off for the first day at the new job. Hope their red carpet has been dry cleaned.

via im

It's coming from the feel that this ain't exactly real, or it's real but it ain't exactly there...

via im

the prodigal can-opener returns, its tail between its legs. it didn't even invite its pretty abductor in, upon getting home. Pah.

via im

"Unknown Artist - Track 8" - that is my second-favouritest song ever!

via im

porridge update; I think I pretty much have this process in the bag. next step: master Toast!

via im

has anyone ever solved the duvet-in-chair problem? how does one wrap the duvet around one? bits of one always stick out!

via im

Dear ABSA, 8:30am doesn't fall under "working hours" if it's a Sunday - don't SMS me then. Kthx.

via im

(it is also Alice Liddell's birthday - the girl about whom Alice in Wonderland was written. Curiouser and curiouser.)

via im

Happy Star Wars Day. May the 4th be with you.

via im

I've found a new friend, underneath my pillow

via im

Good news, everybody! The porridge was not a complete failure. More updates as events warrant.

via im

do you fancy Boris?

via im

cursed by awesome

via im

@alphabetic although blessed, cows don't exactly feign gregariousness. Hilarity is just kinda lost, many new oxen pleasure queens! Really!

via im in reply to alphabetic