Jonathan Hitchcock (@vhata)

Cape Town, South Africa

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @vhata ever

September 2008

"I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order LIKE THEY SHOULD BE."

via twhirl

@brookiepie: I do appreciate the few occasions when people refer to me as a wit. It comforts me that they're at least half right about me.

via web in reply to brookiepie

@RichMulholland: Yes, and heroin isn't a multivitamin pill, but at least it feels rad, right? And that's all that matters, right?

via web in reply to RichMulholland

If I ever meet myself, I'll hit myself so hard, I won't know what hit me.

via web

Hats off to you, diligent wikipedia editor. I salute you for your attention to detail: http://is.gd/38dR

via web

Of all the deities that go all out to piss on my life, I hate Sokar, Egyptian God of Decay, the most (maybe except that miserable sod Fate).

via web

If @kerry_anne is going to be (a) so trusting, and (b) so petrified of spiders, she's going to get spiderrolled innit

via web

The future has been cancelled. Go home.

via web

Somebody needs to update this page: http://www.thepresidency...

via web

I used to drink a lot. I mean, I still do, but I used to, too.

via web

Ten people on my flat's body corporate just quit, including the sanitation officer (who had said he wouldn't). My flat still rocks, though.

via web

Addendum to today's todo list in previous tweet: buy new language primer, double-check grammar of all tweets.

via web

To do today: Hope for less; come to terms with a bleak and fruitless future; finishing testing new project features; cry yourself to sleep.

via web

Happy New Year! Today is Primidi, 1st day of Vendémiaire, the first month of the year 217. It's also Spring Equinox: longer days approach!

via web

Monday is named after the moon (even "lundi" in French comes from 'luna'). The moon is responsible for lunacy. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.

via web

September 19: not only Talk Like A Pirate Day, but Hermione Granger's birthday, and the birthday of the emoticon ( http://is.gd/2PPP )

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All you "pirates": the way you're talking is simply the way Robert Newton talked in the 1954 movie Treasure Island. #historical_inaccuracy

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@EveD: I didn't know the Automobile Association picked up their members' kids for them! That's awesome.

via twhirl in reply to EveD

@arbitraryuser: oh, gosh, look at the time, it's hypocrite o'clock

via twhirl in reply to arbitraryuser

@DylanBrent: For starters, the new twitter doesn't seem to have a way for me to add a big "Irony" label to my tweets.

via twhirl in reply to DylanBrent

Join my twitter group "I hate the new twitter layout" - if 500,000 people join, we can get the good old one back. Why fix what ain't broke!!

via twhirl

My taskbar is editorialising about Cape Town weather. "9°C, feels like 7.6°C"

via web

We have always been at war with Eastasia.

via twhirl

WHAT. I cleaned out those feeds in my RSS reader just yesterday, Why are they filled with crap today?

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No, WAYS! I am *totally* going to be in San Francisco at the same time as this event! http://upcoming.yahoo.co... !!!

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I'll tell you a story: some years back, when I was about 17, there used to YOU'RE ALL USELESS GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE the end.

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Citizenship Day in the USA. Fun fact: "under god" was only added to the pledge of allegiance in 1953 to differentiate them from the Commies.

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Awesome new pastime: wasting a tweet to ask "where u get that", because "google.com" is too long to type.

via twhirl

@darb: you should write about this outrage on your web blog site, so that the internets can know. Never forget!

via twhirl in reply to darb

Cape Town, the most entrepreneurial city in SA: 190% more likely to start a new business (Joburgers only 60%) - http://is.gd/2EQs

via twhirl

Hint: if somebody isn't following you, calling them an elitist snob or demanding that they follow you isn't going to improve matters.

via twhirl

So I just checked on the wikipedia project, and they STILL haven't finished it. It's been in dev for over 7 years! What's up, slackers?

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Completely forgot to renew my poetic license. Gonna have to be prosaic all weekend. It'll be as boring as a boring thing.

via twhirl

@denhamcoote: of course not. I have People who do that sort of thing for me.

via twhirl in reply to denhamcoote

˙sǝıʇǝuıu ǝɥʇ uı ʞɔɐq ǝƃɐssǝɯ ɐ ǝpoɔuǝ oʇ sʎɐʍ unɟ ǝɹǝʍ ʎɹɐuıq puɐ xǝɥ

via twhirl

@pierrenel: we're also glad that you whining ex-pats are on that side of the pond.

via twhirl in reply to pierre_nel

@EveD: oh my word that's awful! Is your car okay?

via twhirl in reply to EveD

Hey! If (and only if) you're using Google Chrome, please have a look at http://vhata.net/files/2...

via twhirl

@JoDuxbury: the adwords voucher definitely came from Google. I would still call it "spam" though, damn them.

via twhirl in reply to JoDuxbury

Has anybody made a "McCain and Abel" joke yet? Come on, surely?

via twhirl

@EveD: you and the rest of South Africa, it seems.

via twhirl in reply to EveD

I'm with @mandyjwatson on this one. I think this is the same (now cold) cup of coffee I had when @caseorganic disappeared to sleep.

via twhirl

Twitter shows 2 more followers than the API returns. Page 2 & 3 on twitter.com only show 19 people, the rest 20. How do you break that bad?

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#LHC has been added to OpenStreetMap: http://tinyurl.com/63a4km

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Little old lady didn't understand the "Snakes on a Corsa" bumper sticker on my car. Sorry ma'am, it's a meme.

via twhirl

@nxsy: if you read the source of the page, they offer a full refund if the earth is destroyed and the page didn't reflect it.

via twhirl in reply to nxsy

The LHC beams are travelling at 99.9% of the speed of light = 1800814880000 furlongs per fortnight

via twhirl

Keep tabs on the end of the world: http://hasthelargehadron...

via twhirl

Beware of quantum ducks. Quark, quark.

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Busy explaining quantum physics to a copywriter, because she wants to know why the world's going to end tomorrow. Charm quarks and gluons!

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Hello birds! Hello sky! *skips*

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Impeach Pedro!

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I don't think I really understand soup.

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September GeekDinner announced! http://tinyurl.com/5mauka

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On your 21st birthday, you drink because you can. Every birthday after that, you drink because you must.

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The awesome thing about the Internet is that I can order my own copies of every "Desperate Housewives" episode ever, on DVD! Twice!

via twhirl

@EveD: I've never owned a TV, don't think I ever will (except maybe as a Wii monitor one day?)

via twhirl in reply to EveD

You make a tasteless midget joke and instead of losing followers, you gain new ones? Oh internets, you never stop surprising me!

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I was just reading about this midget that got pickpocketed. Honestly, how could anyone stoop so low?

via twhirl

@darb: google tells me that 19100 people are talking about why it's an anagram, at least. Which is *another* win for Uncle Steve.

via twhirl in reply to darb

"Laptop machines" is an anagram of "Apple Macintosh". It's like Steve Jobs was planning this since September 1979.

via twhirl

@kerry_anne: yes, you will die. That, I can say with absolute surety.

via twhirl in reply to kerry_anne

People actually admit to being "PHP evangelists"? Isn't that like saying you're a big proponent of Thalidomide as a morning sickness cure?

via twhirl

Wait, what? It's Friday? BARKEEP! A PINT OF YOUR FINEST ALE, IF YOU WILL! Thank you, my good man.

via twhirl

@lukehardiman: The difference is, God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking that he's Bono

via twhirl in reply to lukehardiman

Revolutionary new Edge Detection Algorithm! http://is.gd/2fwn

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Off to lunch at Greens with @VinnyLingham

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@warrenellis: it's Friday today, and that's the day you give us more filler, right?!

via twhirl in reply to warrenellis

Bjorn from ABBA lost his memory, can't remember even being in ABBA. Talk about getting a lucky break! http://is.gd/2f9g

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Be careful of dishonesty: It can create the hot water in which later instances of honesty will land you.

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Sheesh. Turn your back for an instant, and suddenly everywhere is anarchy, mediocrity and secessionism.

via twhirl

Dear iTunes, Now is not the time for the Rolling Stones. Sorry to break it to you. As you were.

via twhirl

@JoDuxbury: Die Mystic Boer in Stellies is proud of its authentic Afrikaans *non-exotic* fare: die nachos, die burrito, die lasagne, etc

via twhirl in reply to JoDuxbury

Saw @JoDuxbury standing in the middle of Woolworths, staring misty-eyed into the middle distance, contemplating Nachos. Was loth to disturb.

via twhirl

@cow_grrrl: install mod_layout for apache, add "LayoutMerge On" and "LayoutFooter /googleanalytics.html" to the config. Bing.

via twhirl in reply to cow_grrrl

@SomebodyRandom: LOL! (this tweet offered with no accompanying commentary, opinion, or other form of redeeming factor.)

via twhirl in reply to somebodyrandom

"It's not you, it's me. *I* don't like you."

via twhirl

Direct quote from @nxsy: "Yeah, I know, I don't think humans are supposed to use my website"

via twhirl

@EveD: you're avoiding @teepog's question, I note. Come on, out with it. Have you ever read?

via twhirl in reply to EveD

I can explain the feather boa and stickiness all down one arm. I can hazard a guess as to where I am. But the tattoo? I'm drawing a blank.

via twhirl

*pats life on the head* You're not so bad, old chap.

via twhirl

It's an ill wind that gathers two in the bush.

via twhirl

@EveD: is that like making the mistake *OF ASSUMING* that being a writer goes hand in hand with having good grammar?

via twhirl in reply to EveD

Was Mr Morse's first name Gerhardus? He left a secret message in his code: ". .. ... ...." = "EISH"

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New idea: class-action suit against twitter for not making the "do not operate while under the influence/hungover" label prominent enough

via twhirl

@kerry_anne: from the Nahuatl word xocolatl (xocolli, "bitter" + atl, "water") - associated with the Aztec fertility goddess Xochiquetzal

via twhirl in reply to kerry_anne

"It is allegedly 6 o'clock, and here's Tom with the alleged weather." "Thank you, Mary, there's an alleged cold front coming up..."

via twhirl

@kerry_anne: it'll be in the last place you look for it, you know. I always find things in the last place I look for them.

via twhirl in reply to kerry_anne

OOOoooOOOOoooo everybody's an expert in esoteric sports terms straight after the Olympics.

via twhirl

@EveD: presumably one of you will set it up and stack the coffee, then the other will do the actual spike over the net?

via twhirl in reply to EveD

@teepog: have a real blag feed; a phoblog feed; an activity stream (google it) feed; and a firehose feed that aggregates them all

via twhirl in reply to teepog

For a good laugh, call (+1 202) 456-1414

via twhirl

Wikipedia says abdicate, abrogate and arrogate are "commonly" misused words. WIkipedia has a touching faith in people's vocabulary.

via twhirl

Yegads, this week is dragging.

via twhirl