Jonathan Hitchcock (@vhata)

Cape Town, South Africa

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @vhata ever

November 2008

300 followers, 300 followees, 158 of each are non-mutual. Such equilibrium. And this doesn't ruin it by upping my number of updates! #OCD

via twhirl

Good morning, Americans! Happy Thanksgiving! (Or, as we like to call it, "Thursday")

via twhirl

Something something @hotdogsladies something CLEVER MEME USAGE something HAPPY BIRTHDAY something something. #30400_other_followers

via twhirl

I have disconcerting news about that whole "we don't need to do laundry until next week" thing.

via twhirl

Inject the uninjected!

via twhirl

Ugh. I accidentally the morning. The WHOLE thing.

via twhirl

Everybody went home early while I wasn't looking, leaving me all alone in the office. Oh well. *takes off pants*

via twhirl

Preparation Hâ„¢ - for those days when sitting around in your underwear just isn't something you're comfortable with! #magpie

via twhirl

Courtesy of @morgs: "I drove past the Helen Keller Institute and didn't feel a thing." [295]

via twhirl

I drove past a sign for the Hellen Keller Institute and completely failed to think of a joke. So, I tender my resignation from the internet.

via twhirl

I did the sums, and I think we can last another week without doing laundry. Are we all prepared to put in the effort, go the extra mile?

via twhirl

Vanilla Ice's new album seems to consist only of covers of songs by hiphop legends such as Cypress Hill, House of Pain, and Vanilla Ice

via twhirl

Vanilla Ice released a new album. That's terrifying.

via twhirl

A fun game to play is to see how many different (non-functional) phone numbers Google throws up for your car dealership. And then to cry.

via twhirl

You know who else left the house and got some exercise and talked to real people instead of lying in bed all day? Hitler.

via twhirl

"Man, sleeper cells suck. I want revolution NOW."

via twhirl

Whoah, there are still people left on the internet that don't suck. I thought they'd all ascended by now. Err... present company excluded.

via twhirl

I believe 45.3% of all the statistics that other people make up on the spot.

via twhirl

I'm not sure that deliberately ignoring my Google-granted ability to theme my gmail is spiting that laggard @abigvictory as much as I hoped.

via twhirl

@honksterr: Last I heard, @missy_boo wasn't updating because she was on a round-the-world cruise. ABOARD AS USALLY.

via twhirl in reply to honksterr

What has four legs and flies? Two pairs of trousers. #scraping_the_barrell #run_out_of_tweets

via twhirl

Accidentally read up on cellular automata. The "/2" rule is described as: Chaotic growth; all patterns are phoenixes; has spaceships. Whoah.

via twhirl

I see that @EveD is doing an interesting study on why everybody else thinks twitter is utterly ridiculous: http://is.gd/7Wmh

via twhirl

My super power: always able to find parking, no matter where/when. My sidekick's power: traffic lights always green. I have driving issues.

via twhirl

My flat doesn't have many domes or collonades, but you know what they say, if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it. #stealing_from_Disney #new_low

via twhirl

It's great how just as you come to terms with Monday afternoon and move on, the Americans all wake up and start the bitching afresh. #UTC+2

via twhirl

@cluckhoff: You know about SoundGarden, Temple of the Dog, and his solo stuff too?

via twhirl in reply to cluckhoff

@abigvictory: you're 100% responsible for the recent upsurge in twitter-interest in Pink Floyd (I applaud you!). Can you do Nick Cave now?

via twhirl in reply to abigvictory

Just found a transcript of my favourite @stephenfry (and Laurie) sketch: http://snurl.com/5m2l4 (via http://is.gd/7J44 , http://is.gd/7J4b )

via twhirl

This tweet is here only in an ironic capacity. Fill in some drunken, late-night observation about bartenders. Thanks. #lazy_twitter

via twhirl

@abigvictory: Corrolary: while being too old to rock and roll, is one ever really too young to die?

via twhirl in reply to abigvictory

PC makes whirring noise. Much worried investigation. Realisation: neighbour is vacuuming. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? (See http://is.gd/7CBG )

via twhirl

A tweet from @Kalli made me check if a certain twitter profile existed. It does, and is being wasted. @You are sitting on comedy gold!

via twhirl

@cow_grrrl: twhat twaterfront twevent? And no, going to a Real Person's birthday, sorry! (I KNOW ALL YOU TWITTERERS ARE IMAGINARY YOU HEAR?)

via twhirl in reply to cow_grrrl

Whoah. Wow. Well, on the bright side, at least I know WHY they have that warning. And I'm sure it can be fixed.

via twhirl

I love the way the people in my office pull together in a crisis, all trooping down to the shops together, to fix the lack of beer. Bless.

via twhirl

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

via twhirl

Lessons from cooking supper: 1. Vinegar and olive oil bottles are too similar; 2. Rosemary comes out of the jar too fast; 3. Eat out more.

via twhirl

@ttseco: Judging by his tweets, I don't think @theLordYourGod cares whether you believe in him or not.

via twhirl in reply to ttseco

What's that word? Come on. Tip of my tongue. It's when you're scared somebody will steal your underpants while you shower at the gym.

via twhirl

@kerry_anne's cat made the @favrd leaderboard: http://is.gd/7jXq - now, @favrd, I want you to go to your room and think hard about this.

via twhirl in reply to kerry_anne

my Twitterank is HELLO I AM MIRIAM ABACHE WIFE OF FORMER PRESIDENT SIMEON ABACHE WHO INHERITED A CERTAIN SUM OF WEALTH THAT I AM GRATIFIE...

via twhirl

The picture @InsoOutso just posted has double the awesome if you click "Rotate right" twice.

via twhirl

Hey, imagine if you refused to read any blogs except ones written by people who read (or "follow", hmm?) your blog? Hmm? #yes_its_an_analogy

via twhirl

PC makes clicking sounds. Much worried investigation. Slow dawning realisation that it's the cupboard door rattling in the wind. #duh

via web

I thought about your reasons. My answer: no. Also, no. Plus, you know, you're wrong. To conclude: Nuh-uh. #I_disagree #shut_up

via twhirl

It took me a while to get into Mel Gibson historical re-enactments, but I'm developing quite a passion for them.

via twhirl

I could never understand the whole wife-swapping thing, but I guess it's fine once you get into the swing of things.

via twhirl

@seanhussey: trying to stoke our enthusiasm? Not sure I can match you, I wood if I could, but ingenuity is burning low.

via twhirl in reply to seanhussey

I wasn't at all sure I'd enjoy being anaesthetised, but I'm starting to come around.

via twhirl

So twitter passed it's billionth tweet. And apparently, it was "@MISSY_BOO LOL BORED AS USALLY".

via twhirl

Turns out, all my sycophantic underlings have been lying to me that my golfing average is better than normal. #faux_par

via twhirl

I, like, totally called him my worst enemy, when actually, like, he was only, like, my second worst! #foe_pas

via twhirl

@secretsquirrel's alien synthetic skin is so well designed, it even has tiny holes in it which exude alien synthetic sweat. #faux_pores

via twhirl in reply to secretsquirrel

My secret service codename is "Tepid". Like my enthusiasm for life. And the effort I'm putting into this meme.

via twhirl

@nick: Here in South Africa, the post office sends you a short (+/- 140 letters) telegram when your friends have stuff to say (or "tele")

via twhirl in reply to nick

I'm with @InsoOutso. We need to take a stand for JT against the tyranny of the Kartini Clinic women! #post_election #needs_another_cause

via twhirl

@texburgher: this is the presentation you said would be given to the "people that sucked the happiness from you, making you long for death"?

via twhirl in reply to texburgher

Changing my voicemail message to "Hi, it's Jonathan, you'd be better off emailing or SMSing me" seems to have been sufficiently discouraging

via twhirl

Okay guys, pop quiz: Who wrote what on whose what?

via twhirl

I hate Sundays so hard, I feel compelled to fill them up with awesome. So I love them. So... No idea where I stand, really. Ugh. #conflicted

via twhirl

I have an honest-to-goodness actual high-five bruise on my hand. Big and purple. Related: Last night was awesome.

via twhirl

The twitter "drunk writing" to "drunk reading" ratio is sorely off-balance. Just doin' my part, y'all. Get hammered and tweet for equality!

via twhirl

All I'm saying is, your aunt should consider changing her diet. You know?

via mobile web

Was bored last night, so I wrote a 49999-word novel. So aaanyway, what are you guys doing for November?

via twhirl

Had a big day planned, shopping, registering, visiting, laundry. Then I found a wikipedia article on Kuru. Now reading about welding.

via twhirl

@rafiq: you have to vote where you're registered, so if you want to vote somewhere else, you have to re-register there :)

via twhirl in reply to rafiq

@detweiler: we South Africans are also going to play Election! It looked so fun when America did it. #love_colouring_in_boxes

via twhirl in reply to detweiler

South Africans! All my non-South African followers are wondering why the hell this country doesn't use this new-fangled "internet" thing.

via twhirl

South Africans! SMS your ID number to 32810 to see if (and where) you're already registered to vote.

via twhirl

South Africans! Don't forget to register to vote! Phone (012) 428 5700 if you're not sure where your nearest municipal office is.

via twhirl

This always happens. Seems I'm using the old, obsolete ("dictionary") def'n of "interesting", while the rest of the internet has moved on.

via twhirl

Just got back from pub quiz. Every single question was "Who won the US elections on Tuesday?" We came third. #johnkerry_rings_a_bell

via twhirl

Hail to the Sun God! He's a real fun god! Rara Ra!

via mobile web

My friends in America went to the elections, and all I got was this lousy lack of things to tweet about.

via twhirl

I just signed up for deli.cio.us. Next: create geocities page, search for something on altavista, upgrade to Netscape v4. #loving_1997

via twhirl

Waiter, this is not the future I ordered. Please take it away and bring me another one, HOLD THE BIGOTRY.

via twhirl

RT: @lefauxfrog: Pro tip: To increase the popularity of your tweets don't use all 140 chara [ please load twitter.com to view this tweet ]

via twhirl

Oh yeah, my country has a British heritage and is currently blowing stuff up for Guy Fawkes. Was too busy thinking American. #woooo_anyway

via twhirl

So, Americans, now that's out the way... Any thoughts on Mosiuoa Lekota's split from the ANC, and the ramifications for our government?

via twhirl

@secretsquirrel: real headlines from SA today: "Ambulance workers resting", "Thief hid in clothes", "Watch out for runners!"

via twhirl in reply to secretsquirrel

@secretsquirrel: well for Pete's sake, come home, South African politicians are getting more fascinating by the day. Seriously.

via twhirl in reply to secretsquirrel

"This victory is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change."

via twhirl

Couldn't get back to sleep again, reloaded, and Obama had 207. Add the west coast's 73 = 280. We've won. Yes we did.

via twhirl

194-69 to Obama. We still need some swing states. Ohi, Ohio.

via twhirl

It's past midnight here, USA, so I'm going to nap. Will be up again at 3am to check how it's going. Do me proud, USA. Do me proud. (Please?)

via twhirl

Remembering Obama's fist bump (http://is.gd/sGP and http://is.gd/6lJE), and looking forward to eight years of these: http://is.gd/6lK2

via twhirl

@smartgoat: I'm only saying I'm not curled around it in foetal position any more. Keepin' mum about whether I'm slurpin' its nethers or not.

via twhirl in reply to billygoat

When @smartgoat wields Facts and Internet URLs, he's more comforting than a whiskey-soaked teddy bear with an Enya soundtrack. All better.

via twhirl

Guys the Bradley effect is giving me nightmares. It's going to be okay, right? #hold_me #no_seriously

via twhirl

What the hell is all that noise coming from across the Atlantic? #they_had_a_party #not_invited

via twhirl

Dear People Who Start Tweets With "Dear", it doesn't work properly if you do it ALL THE TIME. So be a dear and stop doing it, dear. #oh_dear

via twhirl

@cluckhoff: or, Clay Shirky's wise words for last month ;-) http://is.gd/2XXC

via twhirl in reply to cluckhoff

@ViperChill unfollowed me. I guess I didn't tweet about linkbait and spamming methods and social media enough. Aww shucks. #webcock

via twhirl in reply to ViperChill

@kerry_anne's smug that @nick & @secretsquirrel follow her and not me. So I'll just have to be funnier than her very hard, till she's dead.

via twhirl in reply to kerry_anne

Forget McCain, Arnie is the true Maverick - the only one who dared bring up the "he has scrawny arms" attack on Obama: http://is.gd/6cNY

via twhirl

You know you're not The Economist's target audience if you giggle at "cack-handed" when reading their endorsement of Obama. #still_funny

via twhirl

Trying to tweet funny after Nov 4 will be like trying to cover Kermit's "it ain't easy being green" after the whole muppet-marijuana fiasco.

via twhirl

@kariedwards: I've tried everything for @tj and @gruber. Even funny. (I do note that you buckled in response to @kerry_anne's wiles though.)

via twhirl in reply to kariedwards

@mikel: at least step into Barcelona ("most wonderful city in Europe"), but Prague and Venice must surely be contenders?

via twhirl in reply to mikel

What's that blue thing doing here?

via twhirl