Yesterday, 151 years ago, Hymen L. Lipman invented the pencil eraser. Seriously. And with a name like that, no wonder. http://is.gd/pGKU
Yes, well, legibility and correct punctuation might not be "street", but that's how I roll, punk.
We've replaced America's usual daytime twitter feed contents for an insomnia tweet coming from Africa. Let's see if they notice!
Is it still funny to say "There must be a donut sale" when you see a speeding police car? I said it earlier and now I'm racked with doubt.
Was pleased that there were way more people than usual huddled around my candle at Apocalypse Practice Hour last night.
How are my witty allusions to the typos in your tweets going to be appreciated if you fire another three off before I can get a joke out?
@eatfoss: maybe see if OpenOffice.org can handle it, then?
The walls of my flat; an old oak tree; your laughter; the footsteps I hear at night; and, of course, my soul. Yes, it's #hollowFriday
What the... Now the overdressed old guy to my left is holding forth on Johnny Cash. Did I miss a memo about Music Trivia Night in Mowbray?
The three drunk white guys behind me have a surprisingly encyclopaedic knowledge of late 80s rappers and the name changes they went through.
What's the protocol when the Internet thinks your rhetorical question was for real?
What's the protocol when the Internet thinks you were serious when you claimed to be a disgusting snorting weirdo? Asking for a friend...
Home taping is killing the music industry.
@EveD: well you could have just asked me to stop. Tweeting about it just plain passive-aggressive. Meanie.
Re: my last tweet, how often do I re-check? I mean, now would be ridiculous (work isn't that dangerous), but surely every morning at least?
Oh thank the sweet mother of Shiva, I'm not dead: http://tinyurl.com/cursvm
Sometimes the iPhone's autocorrection just makes things ten times awesomer. Yeah, I meant Thor, GOD OF THUNDER, instead of "their"...
Missed Connection. You: carefree, driving fast, graciously acknowledging my wave. Me: frantically trying to indicate it's a one-way street.
Movie date tomorrow. I know the popcorn box trick is guaranteed success, but the old yawn-and-reach is a tried and trusted classic. *fret*
ProTip: you can't just make ProTips up as you go along.
Oh you were being serious!? You actually meant that!? I thought it was part of some ironic post-modern performance art commentary on society
"There will be no beets (the president doesn’t like them) ... just below the Obama girls’ swing set" http://is.gd/o64Z
He bet me I couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf at the supermarket, but even though I'm a gambling man, the steaks were just too high.
Just emerged from the longest smalltalk endgame ever. "Cool" "Stay well" "You too" "Okay" "Hi to the family" "Okay" "Right then" ... BYE!
Does that work, saying "ladies" at the end of a sentence like that? Is it a thing? Okay, I'm going to the bathroom now... Ladies... *wink*
That's right, I have a British passport. Ladies... *wink*
The first and only indication I've had that my British passport wasn't eaten by the SA post: a credit card deduction from the UK Consulate.
We should do it all again next year.
St Paddy's run down: Cape Town burns down, friend A gets evacuated, burgled, friend B gets mugged, my car dinged. Ah, the luck o' the Irish!
Good morning, Cape Town. Thank you for not smoking.
Turns out, half of the internet wants to know what sound a camel makes: http://is.gd/ny1B (occasionally stopping off to think about hyenas)
There's a very drunk and very abusive hobo outside on the street. I'm kinda jealous, to be honest, since I am only very abusive.
The genius who replaced "uni" with "per" on the sign on the M3 that points off to Cape Town University deserves a hearty slap on the back.
@HeikeMey: If you've read her blog, presumably you got there via her "about" page, which, y'know, is about her. And has her contact details.
Hey, I've an idea! We could review the Watchmen movie using that old "Who watches the watchmen" phrase! It'll kill! You heard it here first!
Yes, America, I said "odour". If the Queen's English is good enough for her Royal Majesty, it's good enough for me. You ungrateful upstarts.
To understand Monday, you must realise, it's like a well-aged cheese. Or a fine wine. Or a monkey on a bicycle. Or a sort of pungent odour.
FYI, this guy drives a Getz: http://twitter.com/brynd...
@Marcel_Perform: didn't I just say "we know exactly who you are"?
ProTip: putting "SEOGURU" vanity plates on your car means we know exactly who you are when you drive like an overcompensating tosser.
Woman in express checkout lane has ELEVEN items in her basket. I counted them. Red haze descending over eyes. Rage rising. Might black out.
I've never been compared to a "fast-acting opioid analgesic drug" before. Always thought I was more of a laxative. Or maybe codliver oil.
My superpower: always picking the slowest lane, and then leaving it mere seconds before it speeds up. They call me Captain Frustration.