Jonathan Hitchcock (@vhata)

Cape Town, South Africa

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @vhata ever

March 2009

Yesterday, 151 years ago, Hymen L. Lipman invented the pencil eraser. Seriously. And with a name like that, no wonder. http://is.gd/pGKU

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Yes, well, legibility and correct punctuation might not be "street", but that's how I roll, punk.

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We've replaced America's usual daytime twitter feed contents for an insomnia tweet coming from Africa. Let's see if they notice!

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Is it still funny to say "There must be a donut sale" when you see a speeding police car? I said it earlier and now I'm racked with doubt.

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Was pleased that there were way more people than usual huddled around my candle at Apocalypse Practice Hour last night.

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Unrelated to #followFriday, @beccajoojoo is hilarious and @aedison, my favourite twitterer, also does http://is.gd/pfWl & http://is.gd/pfWi

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How are my witty allusions to the typos in your tweets going to be appreciated if you fire another three off before I can get a joke out?

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@eatfoss: maybe see if OpenOffice.org can handle it, then?

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The walls of my flat; an old oak tree; your laughter; the footsteps I hear at night; and, of course, my soul. Yes, it's #hollowFriday

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What the... Now the overdressed old guy to my left is holding forth on Johnny Cash. Did I miss a memo about Music Trivia Night in Mowbray?

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The three drunk white guys behind me have a surprisingly encyclopaedic knowledge of late 80s rappers and the name changes they went through.

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What's the protocol when the Internet thinks your rhetorical question was for real?

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What's the protocol when the Internet thinks you were serious when you claimed to be a disgusting snorting weirdo? Asking for a friend...

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Home taping is killing the music industry.

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@EveD: well you could have just asked me to stop. Tweeting about it just plain passive-aggressive. Meanie.

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Re: my last tweet, how often do I re-check? I mean, now would be ridiculous (work isn't that dangerous), but surely every morning at least?

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Oh thank the sweet mother of Shiva, I'm not dead: http://tinyurl.com/cursvm

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Just added myself to the http://wefollow.com twitter directory under: # # #wtfGuysSrslyMyKeybvoardsBrokemn

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Sometimes the iPhone's autocorrection just makes things ten times awesomer. Yeah, I meant Thor, GOD OF THUNDER, instead of "their"...

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Missed Connection. You: carefree, driving fast, graciously acknowledging my wave. Me: frantically trying to indicate it's a one-way street.

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Movie date tomorrow. I know the popcorn box trick is guaranteed success, but the old yawn-and-reach is a tried and trusted classic. *fret*

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ProTip: you can't just make ProTips up as you go along.

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Oh you were being serious!? You actually meant that!? I thought it was part of some ironic post-modern performance art commentary on society

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@shawnjooste neatly encapsulates both the arrogance and the futility of being an SEO "guru" in one little tweet: http://is.gd/oazp

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"There will be no beets (the president doesn’t like them) ... just below the Obama girls’ swing set" http://is.gd/o64Z

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He bet me I couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf at the supermarket, but even though I'm a gambling man, the steaks were just too high.

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@MatthewGair's tweets have the same poetry and humour as his music (which you should totally listen to - Apple Store or http://is.gd/nZi0 )

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Submitting stuff to @twitticisms to get @nick's attention feels like trying to shout the loudest in gradeschool to get Michelle to notice me

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Just emerged from the longest smalltalk endgame ever. "Cool" "Stay well" "You too" "Okay" "Hi to the family" "Okay" "Right then" ... BYE!

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Does that work, saying "ladies" at the end of a sentence like that? Is it a thing? Okay, I'm going to the bathroom now... Ladies... *wink*

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That's right, I have a British passport. Ladies... *wink*

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The first and only indication I've had that my British passport wasn't eaten by the SA post: a credit card deduction from the UK Consulate.

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We should do it all again next year.

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St Paddy's run down: Cape Town burns down, friend A gets evacuated, burgled, friend B gets mugged, my car dinged. Ah, the luck o' the Irish!

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Good morning, Cape Town. Thank you for not smoking.

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Turns out, half of the internet wants to know what sound a camel makes: http://is.gd/ny1B (occasionally stopping off to think about hyenas)

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There's a very drunk and very abusive hobo outside on the street. I'm kinda jealous, to be honest, since I am only very abusive.

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The genius who replaced "uni" with "per" on the sign on the M3 that points off to Cape Town University deserves a hearty slap on the back.

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@HeikeMey: If you've read her blog, presumably you got there via her "about" page, which, y'know, is about her. And has her contact details.

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Hey, I've an idea! We could review the Watchmen movie using that old "Who watches the watchmen" phrase! It'll kill! You heard it here first!

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Yes, America, I said "odour". If the Queen's English is good enough for her Royal Majesty, it's good enough for me. You ungrateful upstarts.

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To understand Monday, you must realise, it's like a well-aged cheese. Or a fine wine. Or a monkey on a bicycle. Or a sort of pungent odour.

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FYI, this guy drives a Getz: http://twitter.com/brynd...

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@Marcel_Perform: didn't I just say "we know exactly who you are"?

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ProTip: putting "SEOGURU" vanity plates on your car means we know exactly who you are when you drive like an overcompensating tosser.

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Woman in express checkout lane has ELEVEN items in her basket. I counted them. Red haze descending over eyes. Rage rising. Might black out.

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I've never been compared to a "fast-acting opioid analgesic drug" before. Always thought I was more of a laxative. Or maybe codliver oil.

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My superpower: always picking the slowest lane, and then leaving it mere seconds before it speeds up. They call me Captain Frustration.

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