Jonathan Hitchcock (@vhata)

Cape Town, South Africa

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @vhata ever

April 2009

Two words: dwarf shortage.

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They say it's 257 steps up to the Whispering Gallery in St Paul's. But I counted an extra one *down* at the end. So that's 258 or 256, yes?

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Also, the guy at St Paul's won't believe you're over sixty and eligible for senior discount, even if you explain that you moisturize a lot.

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FYI: there's a button you need to press if you want a London bus driver to stop. And now I'm all the way over in Ludgate.

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Last tweet was Wordsworth, composed upon Westminster Bridge. He clearly never stepped downriver for a pint on the bank at sunset, like me.

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"Earth has not anything to show more fair: dull would he be of soul who could pass by a sight so touching in its majesty."

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Today: Westminster, Tate Modern, Covent Garden, Trafalgar Square, Whitehall, Victoria. G'damn, there are PEOPLE *everywhere* in London.

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Yesterday: Putney, walked along the Thames at Sunset. I love that Her Royal Majesty's government lets me drink beer whereever I want.

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If something had happened to my plane, and my last tweet actually was my Last Tweet, the irony would just have been lipsmackingly delicious.

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I should stop tweeting and turn off before we take off: phones make the plane crash, you know. (Yet Al Qaeda waste cash on bombs 'n' stuff?)

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I can't think of anything snarky to say about Popped Collar Pink Jersey Guy two rows ahead that he isn't clearly broadcasting himself.

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Seems I've been given a midget's seat in the armpit of the plane. Also, Inquisitive Granny to my right, my earphones are a sign: take heed.

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At the airport en route to London, I'm not sure if I'm more scared of being seated next to the smelly haggard snorer, or being him myself.

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No, self, "acquiral" is not a word, unless you're in a movie and you're talking about the missile that's chasing your jet-powered vehicle.

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Lookee lookee what I got: http://twitpic.com/3tt1e [passport acquiral saga ends here] [actual travel saga begins here]

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Hours in the voting queue, all I have to show: http://twitpic.com/3rgem (Oh, and freedom, democracy and the best constitution in the world)

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Quick, what's the answer to number five? http://twitpic.com/3rg96 #saelections

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(Last tweet was a joke. Would never sacrifice democracy in return for food. Open to vote discussions with the brunette ahead of me, though.)

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Anybody also waiting in the #saelections queue in Kenilworth with me: I'll consider voting for your party in return for coffee and a burger.

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Apparently if you tell people your vote, it doesn't come true. Also, look the ballot in the eye or it's four years bad luck. #saelections

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That said, we have the Jacob Effect, Mshini Wami, Julius Malema, and COPE. We don't need much more. #saelections

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Look, America! Democracy without the Bradley Effect, will.i.am songs, plumbers or pregnant daughters! #saelections

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(This manic episode has been brought to you by Postnet, my passport problems, and my cellphone. Thanks, you've been a great audience.)

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I find myself utterly unreassured by "No, we haven't heard a word, so everything must be going smoothly with picking up your passport".

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Oh, now you're done with your conversation, so you're just going to let it ring and ring and ring and ring and ring and ring and ring, eh?

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GET OFF THE PHONE YOU USELESS TART

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After a phonecall to Zimbabwe and special permission from the Consul, my British passport is finally ready to be picked up... Ladies. *wink*

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[x] Make checklist; [x] Tick off first few items; [x] Complain about Monday; [ ] Survive rest of week

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(Just to clarify for those following at home, I don't have a PhD, and I don't know anything about mRNA that isn't on wikipedia.)

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"Dear Dr Hitchcock", they said. "We cordially invite you to give a speech", they said. "We look forward to hosting you in Dalian, 2009!"

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I've just been invited to speak at the 4th China Medical Biotech Forum (http://is.gd/sUHn), on mRNA Therapeutics Development. Seriously.

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The British Consulate wants me to fax them my details. I'm assuming that the carrier pigeons are tired and the telegraph operator is sick.

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For all those who were wondering: Yes, it was a real goat. No, they're not pressing charges. Yes, it may become an annual event. That's all.

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Another shoe-throwing reporter: http://is.gd/raQk - apparently in India, this is considered insulting! Those wacky foreigners, what next?!

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In today's world of is.gd and yep.it, tinyurl.com's senile claims of minuteness just seem to be desperately clinging to a faded past glory.

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You know it's Monday and you really need this coffee when you realise that you're spooning the powder into a bowl instead of a mug.

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Amazing how Americans read in Wikipedia that National Cleavage Day is a National Holiday, and assume the nation in question is theirs.

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No, America. NO. National Cleavage Day belongs to South Africa. You can't have it. It's OURS. This is why you can't have nice holidays.

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"I've had a tough few weeks. I was addicted to soap, you see. But it's fine, I'm clean now."

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An unlikely news article! A ridiculous product! A hilariously paired acquisition! An impossible event, seriously reported! Lol, guys, lol.

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