Jonathan Hitchcock (@vhata)

Cape Town, South Africa

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @vhata ever

May 2010

Would've sucked. "Thanks for buying me tickets to California and those three conferences, boss, but I threw my passport away when I moved."

via Kiwi

Um. I do realise that saying "passports" makes me sound like a drug dealer. But, yeah, that there's my British passport. …Ladies.

via Kiwi

IT'S FINE GUYS! Found my passports! They were at the bottom of my cupboard with my Tazo collection and my job contract from two jobs ago.

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The Piebald Orangutan Is In The Cage.

Repeat.

The Piebald Orangutan Is In The Cage.

via Kiwi

My new hobby: destroying people's productivity. HEY, SEARCH YOUTUBE FOR "heckler". Yeah. Yeah. I know.

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I like to live on the edge.

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X-treme! That's me. Two minutes before ticket collection deadline and I'm all blasé. "No, ma'am, after you. I insist."

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Saw a "Jay-Zee Driving Academy" car. Honest. "You got two choices: pull over the car or, bounce on the double put the pedal to the floor"?

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Why is there no short URL service that creates URLs that are unambiguous when scrawled on a bathroom mirror? (I really do need this. Truth.)

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Currently live-tweeting: it's bad "twittiquette" to jest about a journalist's typos! Details at eleven.

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I know your type. You have Apple's PR feed filed under "Close Friends and Family" in your Google Reader.

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Turns out, if you design an "urban buzz" smoothie by committee, you end up with yoghurt and oats. Any trace of cinnamon or honey is drowned.

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Spectacular: the three (clearly untrained) girls at the new smoothie bar trying to reverse-engineer my order from the menu description.

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Adding a rule to Kiwi.app to hide all tweets containing #penguin merely highlights how often @mandyjwatson typos it as #pengiun

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Y'all should totally watch Iron Man 2! (Also, mullets are out, personal computers are in, and 'all your base' is a funny new thing)

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Soviet-Russian baritones! Eduard Khil! Video memes! http://twitpic.com/1np139 ! Yes, people, it's #trolofriday

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@Lara_Morris: all I hear is "day 3 of drinking wine [ at work ]"

via Kiwi in reply to Lara_Morris

Transforming Bogota using mimes and "thumbs down" cards - Mayor Mockus is amazing! http://bit.ly/bqdC6w

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@meganfvaughan: intrinsic value is something an object has in and by itself, extrinsic value is value given to it by to others

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And by America, I mean Britain. That's a very telling assumption on my behalf. Sorry about that.

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Isn't the #twitterjoketrial just the sort of thing civil disobedience is FOR? Why doesn't half of America start joke-tweeting about bombs?

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She totally stopped.

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@kerry_anne: you're not answering your phone. Maybe this'll work. YOU DROVE PAST US TWICE. STOP DRIVING.

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I suppose I *could* get the window fixed. But, you know, a pillow works too: http://tweetphoto.com/21...

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It makes having two people yammering on their phones in your queue a lot more bearable if you imagine they're talking to each other...

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@meganfvaughan: sleeping upside down adds decades to your life. That's why Keith Richards cannot be killed by conventional weapons.

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Saturday night: nothing angrier than a journalist on half a bottle of wine, reviewing another journalist's work and finding that he's WRONG.

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@yodelmachine: well, thanks a bunch. I was going to sleep tonight. Damn you.

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@Springleap: Actually, a tweet about a facebook link to a blog post containing someone else's comic is even worse: http://is.gd/bWYRH

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@Springleap: How to suck at The Internet: embed someone else's comic on your blog, with a broken link back to them: http://is.gd/bWXFS

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We're all going on a... summer holiday... http://bit.ly/aG8Wdx #tech4africa

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So, the Brits can vote drunk, but not topless? Yep, that sounds about right for the Britain I know. http://is.gd/bWJcN

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Does it count as a good deed for the day if you put pants on before you go downstairs to answer the door for the delivery guy?

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Oh right. If it's cinco de mayo, then that means it's also my two year anniversary of working at @Yola - my second Yolaversary, if you will!

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So cute: wikipedia still refers to "weblogs" in many of its articles. (Put your favourite phonographic record album on, wikipedia!)

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"Do you guys like bubbly? We have a whole lot left over that needs drinking. Do you mind?" Oh, FINE, then. http://tweetphoto.com/21...

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(And by Cabernet Sauvignon, I mean Sauvignon Blanc. And by disrupts, I mean improves.)

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Nothing disrupts a course on Cabernet Sauvignon like @vanclark heckling from the front row. "TASTES LIKE PEAS!"

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Is this thing on?

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