Jonathan Hitchcock (@vhata)

Cape Town, South Africa

The below is an off-site archive of all tweets posted by @vhata ever

November 2010

Operation Movember: 100% complete (inc. hospital stay and coup-de-grace): http://is.gd/hZ5na

via YoruFukurou

ctGeekDinner We're getting back under way! For realsies this time! And thinking in advance! Bihari, February! Be there! Sign up here: http://is.gd/hXabk

via web (retweeted on 5:05 PM, Nov 29th, 2010 via YoruFukurou)

allankent the only value in this tweet is that if you Favorite it, it will annoy @vhata

via web (retweeted on 9:46 AM, Nov 29th, 2010 via YoruFukurou)

@allankent discovers that Great Power there is, in the Desire To Annoy @vhata: http://is.gd/hWkhp

via YoruFukurou

Just discovered somebody I've been routinely faving has been tweeting from a Blackberry. Betrayal!

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

via Twitter for iPhone

Sitting on my balcony. Watching Cape Town sun set. Sipping a chilled Semillon.
...
Smug as all hell.

via Twitter for iPhone

You know what the difference between you and the winner of that competition that you didn't enter is?

via YoruFukurou

@RianVDM It's that awful cloudy sauvignon-blanc, isn't it? The other wine shouldn't be even SEEN in its dreadful company.

via YoruFukurou in reply to RianVDM

Sorry. Sorry. None of you needed to read that. I'm going to go clean up and pull myself towards myself now.

via YoruFukurou

Mother of Shiva, they just pulled two feet of tubing out of my stomach. Ever had your internal organs vacuumed? Gargh.

via YoruFukurou

(Doc says I must shower and change my dressings, and then I can get out of hospital. *And* I can have a beer with the sunset tonight.)

via YoruFukurou

FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

via YoruFukurou

So #FF @yodelmachine, @swimparallel and @beccajoojoo, who make me laugh, which makes my surgery wound ache, so actually, sod them, the cows.

via YoruFukurou

#FF Three of my favourite funny Twitterettes: the lesbian Vader, the teacher-ex-Korea, and the one who is funny in office *and* home...

via YoruFukurou

@runonthespot It's a recording of a full live concert that fits on two CDs. It's an album. It's long. Go buy McDonalds or something!

via YoruFukurou in reply to runonthespot

Bet @Yola's having a real sod of a time at its little "year-end party". Next time, I'll pick the venue, k? (Hint: I'll pick "hospital ward")

via YoruFukurou

@runonthespot Think of it as ten minutes of the other instruments just restin'.

via YoruFukurou in reply to runonthespot

@runonthespot You're dead to me and your stupid starcon wannabe sucks and that song you wrote in 2nd year was awful. We all thought so.

via YoruFukurou in reply to runonthespot

Ever need to forget you're 31, with a surgical drain in your chest? Put Pink Floyd - Pulse on in your headphones, loud, and close your eyes.

via YoruFukurou

@lisaretief me too :( I hope y'all have a good time. Not *too* good, but splendid nevertheless! I'll just...sit here...with no gallbladder.

via YoruFukurou in reply to lisaretief

Nurse didn't see me 5 minutes previously, hopping around the bathroom with both feet in one leg of my pants, cursing through gritted teeth.

via YoruFukurou

Nurse thinks I'm the greatest genius, because I worked out how to pass the drip line through the arm of my fresh t-shirt when putting it on.

via YoruFukurou

I'm so used to having so many drips and tags and things attached to me that I didn't notice that I was still wearing my (silent) earphones.

via YoruFukurou

And before I forget: Happy Thursday to Asia, the Pacific Islands, Africa, Europe, South America, Canada, the Middle East, and Mexico!

via YoruFukurou

At first I was all "what do I do with these gallstones in a jar?", and then I was all "what should I give my friends for Christmas?"...

via YoruFukurou

Schadenfreude (n) 1. German word for how people star your tweets when you're writing about excruciating surgery being done upon your person.

via YoruFukurou

They should have a different timezone for hospitals.

via YoruFukurou

Amazon is all "yay long tail" and "yay we have rare books", but do they have "101 uses for gallstones"? THEY DO NOT.

via YoruFukurou

Nurse just came by with an extra pillow, some antibiotics, and... a JAR FULL OF MY GALLSTONES. Guys, how do I feel about this? (They're red)

via YoruFukurou

Fun fact: the guy they call to wheel you to/from surgery in a wheelchair is a "porter". I AM LUGGAGE.

via YoruFukurou

Crikey, I don't look like the healthiest kernel on the cob, do I?

via YoruFukurou

And my newly-received and newly-christened bear Ephesus makes a debut in my Movember photos: http://is.gd/hIeH2

via YoruFukurou

Hello, twitter. I have no gall bladder.

via YoruFukurou

I... I see a bright light...

via TweetDeck

Ain't no flights of angels, but these sleeping tablets should sing me to my rest. Bright and early for the slice-and-dice tomorrow! G'night!

via YoruFukurou

@dwineman @mrgan It seems like YoruFukurou from @aki_null has all that stuff, for free - definitely worth a try.

via YoruFukurou in reply to dwineman

You know what really brightens up your evening before surgery? Gall-Bladder spambots! Big-ups to @gallbladderhelp - you guys have my back.

via YoruFukurou

New ward-mate #3's run down of his weekend sounds frankly frightful. Is it the plague? Is it The Plague? If he bites me, will I turn? Eek.

via YoruFukurou

Newsflash! This just out! Tomorrow, 8am SAST, my gallbladder is to be from my chest untimely ripp'd!

via YoruFukurou

Even from a hospital bed, Cape Town: the jacarandas swaying mauvely in the breeze, and Lion's Head in sharp blue contrast to the summer sky.

via YoruFukurou

@1rene Is this some Dunning-Kruger conspiracy you're trying to pull on my follower list now?

via YoruFukurou in reply to 1rene

@nickjackson Are you saying there's no twitting from the ever-after? ... This makes me re-think my life choices.

via YoruFukurou in reply to nickjackson

New ward-mate is being very evasive with his medical history questions. "Well, let's put it this way. I don't smoke *per se*..."

via YoruFukurou

Maternal Nurse explains how to shower with a drip:
[1] Take drip out;
[2] Go shower;
[3] Put drip back in;
I hadn't considered that method!

via YoruFukurou

Ow brainfreeze.

via YoruFukurou

Guys, guys, did you know they give you ice-cream in hospital?

via YoruFukurou

Medical History Nurse says I should write "laparascopic cholecystectomy" on the form "in my own words". I think I'll just use those ones.

via YoruFukurou

My drip feed got tangled in my laptop cord! #firstworldproblem

via YoruFukurou

(That may be the painkillers they just jabbed in my left buttock talking...)

via Twitter for iPhone

Charming other ward-mate Peter was stung by a swarm of wild bees - got the full story! Renal failure. Hospitals are exciting again!

via Twitter for iPhone

Ho hum. I do not see the attraction of hospitals. This place is yawnsville.

via YoruFukurou

In a hospital, when asked "what are you in for?", it seems "ten to fifteen, third-degree murder" doesn't go down so well.

via YoruFukurou

(These gowns aren't half draughty in the nethers. It's difficult to protect my modesty!)

via Twitter for iPhone

Anyway yeah, ultrasound confirms inflamed gall-bladder and gall-stones, but no "duct blockage" (eew). So, antibiotics, and surgery sometime.

via Twitter for iPhone

Amusing story: they brought me a wheelchair to go for x-rays (why?), and Joshua McDrama hopped straight in. "It's not yours!" quoth Nurse.

via Twitter for iPhone

Joshua the Drama Queen is leaving! His doctor told him to go home. He promptly demanded a wheelchair to take him to the car. Gonna miss him.

via Twitter for iPhone

They just bled me with some newfangled form of leech. Next, an "ultrasound", to give them leverage to ask the gods what *exactly* ails me.

via Twitter for iPhone

"Bradley B. is the Mayor of Cape Town Medi Clinic." ... "No tips here." ... Sometimes Foursquare gives us a glimpse of sad, untold stories.

via Twitter for iPhone

Medical History Nurse has determined that I am 1.85 metres tall. I did not know that. (We did *not* weigh me.)

via Twitter for iPhone

Medical History Nurse says "siestog" a lot.

via Twitter for iPhone

He reached a crescendo with "it itches so much, I can't take it, mother!" and then appears to have swooned. Nurses stoically unimpressed.

via Twitter for iPhone

Charming young feller in the next bed, Joshua, belongs in the Amateur Dramatics Society. Is literally screaming for a doctor. Such emotion!

via Twitter for iPhone

Hey, y'all, send beer and tasty treats to bed G13, Cape Town Mediclinic, Hof Street! (Disguise it as something healthy. Cod liver oil?)

via Twitter for iPhone

You'd think with all the bile I constantly spew at those around me, my gall-bladder would be just fine...

via YoruFukurou

@RianVDM Certain Product Managers Might Want To Work On Their Bedside Manner.

via YoruFukurou in reply to RianVDM

The choice of t-shirt to wear to hospital is a no-brainer: this one, from @jephjacques - http://is.gd/hAhVw

via YoruFukurou

What does one pack for a Night Out At The Hospital? Laptop, internet, portable harddrive, charger... Wait, will I need non-electronic stuff?

via YoruFukurou

Fascinating reading of the day: http://is.gd/hA6aA

via YoruFukurou

Who'd have thought he'd have the gall to diagnose *that*?

via Twitter for iPhone

Suspiciously eyeing the other two patients in the shaman's waiting room. He's gonna see them first, isn't he? Hypochondriacs. Pah.

via Twitter for iPhone

Off to see the witchdoctor.

via YoruFukurou

Rammstein tickets go on sale today in Cape Town. Fitting, since "mein herz brennt" is an apt description of my current situation.

via YoruFukurou

You take one single day off work due to an alien symbiote digesting your innards, and some newbie goes and steals your desk. The cheek.

via YoruFukurou

Specialist can see me at 11:45. But an SMS to 1-800-HOLISTIC can tell me that tincture of jasmine will cure me NOW! #HealingBells #Auras

via YoruFukurou

The alien symbiote in my chest made me go to sleep at 9pm, and now I'm awake to see the sunrise. Li'l guy's not so bad after all...

via YoruFukurou

The Searing Pains would be a good name for a band if they weren't what I was having in my stomach/chest right now.

via YoruFukurou

@RianVDM "I [...] affirm [...] mankind [is] nothing but a bundle [...] of different perceptions" -David Hume. How to believe, but by smell?!

via YoruFukurou in reply to RianVDM

This soccer game is the Waiting For Godot of the sports world.

via Twitter for iPhone

Did you guys know that Paul McCartney was in another band before "Wings"?

via YoruFukurou

Nah. Guitar groups are on the way out.

via YoruFukurou

There are things I want to know about the Riemann Hypothesis and Judas Priest, but there are Creepy Jimmy Wales Stares I want to avoid. Hmm.

via YoruFukurou

Why is everybody so worked up about a faded ex-superpower's internal airport security?

via YoruFukurou

Just sang along to every single word in @tmbg's album "Flood", which I haven't listened to in a decade. But I can't remember to pay my rent.

via YoruFukurou

"The porpoises were unavailable for comment." http://is.gd/gW1sC

via YoruFukurou

@fuddlemark Another use for Twitter: staring at with scowling concentration while pretending to be sober at work.

via YoruFukurou in reply to fuddlemark

Hey, all you boring people that can't find the fascinating stuff that is inherent in basically everything: http://is.gd/gTNWh

via YoruFukurou

And we're back, just as the sky pales to a soft blue, the city starts twinkling to life, and a few solitary boats glimmer out in the bay.

via YoruFukurou

Attention Cape Town: the Internet will be briefly taken offline while you all go outside and enjoy the sunset. Service restored in ~30 min.

via YoruFukurou

What. That has got to be a stage name.

via YoruFukurou

Cape Town is trendy as hell, and my Product Manager @RianVDM is the trendiest of all: http://is.gd/gKbfK (I bet he wears skinny jeans)

via YoruFukurou

telkomza Sorry we don't list our shops' telephone numbers on our website - we haven't managed to get the lines installed yet.

via web (retweeted on 1:10 PM, Nov 5th, 2010 via YoruFukurou)

@WombatSam I haven't opened my fridge in weeks, so I can't say definitively whether you'll find any in there, but...

via YoruFukurou in reply to WombatSam

After sampling a number of very fine single malts at the Whisky Festival, I've decided that red meat and house wine at HQ is on the cards.

via Twitter for iPhone

dysolution "Derp."

-- United States of America, 11/2/2010

via web (retweeted on 5:02 PM, Nov 3rd, 2010 via YoruFukurou)

warpeddragon "We will now approach the relevant authorities to report these hackers and call for the closer of twitter" --ANC YL http://bit.ly/dbamYi

via TweetDeck (retweeted on 4:04 PM, Nov 3rd, 2010 via YoruFukurou)

Youtube: video of 8pen on an Android phone. Similar videos: a cover of Radiohead's "Paranoid Android" by some Dutch teen band.

via YoruFukurou

The good Doctor is on first.

via YoruFukurou

@alphabetania No, the ones you dislike aren't anything but westerners counting syllables 5-7-5. You'd like real haiku if you read them.

via YoruFukurou in reply to alphabetania

And #follow-whatever-today-is @mandyjwatson for being the sort of person who says "Senryƫ" instead of misusing "Haiku".

via YoruFukurou

I always knew I reminded myself of somebody famous: http://is.gd/gBSHN

via YoruFukurou

mygreenjacket The music on the City of Johannesburg call centre helpline is surprisingly peaceful. No gunshots whatsoever!

via Seesmic twhirl (retweeted on 4:05 PM, Nov 1st, 2010 via YoruFukurou)